End Times Movie Sale

I was perusing ChristianCinema.com, one of my favorite sites to find “faith-based” movies and news and saw this banner ad:

Does that mean the end is near if there is a sale? The ad depicts the four “horses” of the apocalypse and when you click on over you get a selection of movies that is 4 pages long.  Let’s get a list going of End Times Porn. NOTE: I will try to list collections versus individual movies but I know there will be some repeats here. It’s hard to keep track of what movie is in what collection.

  1. Left Behind Boxed Set (Oh Kirk, you need a talking to by your TV Dad Jason Seaver.)
  2. The Moment After and The Moment After 2 (the sequel was at one time alternately titled: “The Moment After The Moment After”)
  3. Six – The Mark Unleashed (sounds like a 666 tattoo is going to jump off your skin and kill people)
  4. Escape From Hell (Woo-hoo, you can escape! What are we worried about then?)
  5. In the Blink of an Eye
  6. The Mark of the Beast (It may be just like getting into a night club. They stamp your hand and it washes off after a few days.)
  7. End of the Harvest (Because people are like wheat.)
  8. Final Warning (Then stop warning us already!)
  9. Revelation (Unoriginal title)
  10. Apocalypse (The Collection)
  11. Years of the Beast (Wasn’t sure if this was about marriage at first?)
  12. Thief in the Night (Collector Series)
  13. The Lie of The Serpent (The description indicts Charles Darwin and Hilary Clinton as reawakening communication with the spirit realm. Those two get blamed for everything.)
  14. Megiddo: The March to Armageddon (Aw man, when we going to get there? My feet are tired)
  15. The Gospel of the AntiChrist Exposed (Sadly, no nudity)
  16. Tribulation (Featuring atheist Margot Kidder who says she didn’t know the filmmakers were serious–she has some drug issues I think)
  17. The Gathering
  18. Miraculous Messages (Given to you on non-miraculous DVD format)
  19. The Late, Great Planet Earth (Hal Lindsey’s classic)
  20. End Times, How Close Are We? (Dammit, we want to know!)
  21. In the Shadow of Babylon: Prophecy Revealed
  22. Cracking the Prophetic Code (Who cares about Da Vinci)
  23. End Time Revelation
  24. Shadow Government (Which would be the Far Right I believe. Rachel Maddow is on the case!)
  25. The Messiah: Prophecy Fulfilled
  26. The End Times: The Words of Jesus (Speaking for Jesus when he doesn’t speak himself)
  27. The Beast of Revelation Identified (It’s Oprah!)
  28. Countdown to Eternity (And the band Europe sings “It’s the Final Countdown, da-da-da-daa, da-da da duh dunh…)
  29. Mysteries of the Apocalypse (Well, don’t tell everyone, it won’t be a surprise)
  30. Inside the Revolution
  31. A Distant Thunder (The end times on The Weather Channel.)
  32. Israel, Islam and Armageddon (Pushing Islamaphobia)
  33. Vanished
  34. Final Exit (So you step out a door and off a cliff…)
  35. The Temple Mount Dilemma (hmmm, it’s a dilemma)
  36. Petra: Israel’s Secret Hiding Place
  37. 25 Messianic Signs (At last, we have 25 of them.)
  38. Early Warning (That’s all I ask for. I don’t want no Christians steering a bus, plane, train or other vehicle. Fact is, End Times Christians should be banned from driving altogether.)
  39. The Evangelism Trilogy (A trilogy? Really?)
  40. 7 Signs of Christ’s Return (No way, we already have 25!)
  41. Tim LaHaye’s Left Behind Prophecy (Didn’t he make enough money off the books? Has to put out a DVD too?)
  42. The March of Prophecy (More marching? I said I was tired.)
  43. Babylon: Past, Present, and Future
  44. Israel Under Fire (And End Times Christians want more, not peace.)
  45. Prophecies: The Future Revealed (How the hell do you know–when the Bible says you shouldn’t even know?)
  46. Jerusalem Countdown (Another countdown. Hope they get Dick Clark to do it.)
  47. The Prodigal Planet

This isn’t even a full list, but you can see this is a niche market for Christians obsessed with our demise. And some of these Christians are in powerful positions. How do you think believing in End Times affects a political decision? I think this stuff is fun to watch until you consider that numerous people take it literally…then it’s a little scary.

Michael Shermer, Fashion Model

Notice the hand in pocket? Imagine the photographer giving Shermer directions. "Work it, Shermer! Work it!"

I visited the Skeptic Magazine site at Skeptic.com and there on the homepage is a rotating fashion ad–for stylish Skeptic T-shirts. Who of all people would be posing? Michael Shermer. I think it’s funny and I’m sure he’s not taking himself seriously. However, I’d say he looks good for his age and very academic even with the T-shirt. Shermer is the college professor we all wanted.

The shirts do look pretty nice, not a standard logo on white but a vertical design for adults and a simplified horizontal logo for kids. Comes in a variety of colors as well as hoodies. No real in your face statement which may make this product seem “normal” to wear on the street or to work or dare I say “to church”?

If you’re interested in buying one as a gift or for yourself this is the shop page. I don’t get any commission, I just think it’s a good idea to show support and they’re well designed. …Maybe they’ll send me a free shirt for plugging them. Size large if you’re reading Shermer (I can take a medium but they always shrink in the wash).

The Action Bible Versus The Picture Bible

For my birthday, my wife was twisted enough to buy me “The Action Bible” as she likes to tease my atheist sensibilities.I tend to collect weird and unusual religious paraphernalia and suffice to say I have added The Action Bible to my bookshelf along with the classic The Picture Bible. The comic book art for The Picture Biblewas done by Iva Hoth and for The Action BibleSergio Cariello.

The Picture Bible, if you’re not familiar with it, is a collection of Sunday School tracts drawn in comic book form. Growing up, each week  we kids would receive a new Pix, as they were called, which was a moral lesson derived from the Bible or some sort of history lesson from the life of a Biblical figure. They were very brief, but for us kids comics were comics and wanting to be an artist I always studied and drew on them through the painful sermons I had to attend after Sunday School. I’m not sure exactly when The Picture Bible was collected, but the interior publishing date says 1978, 1988. It is by David C. Cook Publishing who, as we will see, specializes in religious comics.

I keep The Picture Bible handy as it is a good artist’s reference for perceptions on what Biblical figures looked like and wore. Samson, for example, has a mullet (ears have to show) while other male figures look very “white.” Female Biblical figures are a throwback to the era of Cecil B. DeMille.

The Picture Bible is far from complete, missing stories like Job and glossing over Revelations. But for kids it is an introduction minus all the good stuff like violence, rape and incest.

The new and improved Action Bible, from the same publisher, looks like something from Marvel Comics. It is a vast improvement on The Picture Bible with better artwork, more coverage of the Bible including Job, Revelations (still too brief) and more characterization. It even includes weird prophetic creatures from Daniel 7 and some stories of the prophets which you might expect to be cut because of the lack of space. A comic book Bible is hindered by the fact that drawing each book would create too many pages to compact into one hardcover edition. Fact is, it may have been better to split this project into volumes and honestly do a thorough exploration of all of the stories and prophecies–that would be one hell of a project. It also would involve some rather R-rated moments, but any bloodletting or sex could be put off panel or shown in such a manner that it wouldn’t offend the targeted Christian buyer.

If you go to Amazon you’ll see more comic book bibles from The Graphic Bible to The Manga Bible. My collection is far from complete. I also have yet to pick up Robert Crumb’s depiction of the Bible for adults.

That’s unfortunately the problem with both The Picture Bible and The Action Bible–they’re for kids or dumbed down adults. If I had to choose though, I would take The Action Bible–larger, better art, and better story exploration. Now if David C. Cook would come out with the Comic Book Bible Commentary…

SIDENOTE: My major, major complaint with both of these editions is that Eve’s hair is still covering her boobs. Oh when shall we see Eve nude in all her innocent and perfect glory? …I guess we could throw in a nice ass on Adam too for the ladies and gay male readers.

Mp3 Player in Shape of a Cross

Almost every week there is some provider of religious products trying to spam this site and usually I have to trash them but this one today made me laugh. It’s an Mp3 Player with the entire Bible recorded on it from HearLord.com. They advertise the following: “Listen To Bible Audio, Enjoy Your Music, and Display Your Faith, Any Time and Any Place, with Your Cross Shaped MP3 Player!”

What a great witness tool and it is also handy in case of vampires.

Isn’t there something sort of blasphemous about making the cross into an Mp3 player? I thought jewelry and T-shirts were bad enough, but using the symbol of the cross for modern gadgets? It seems to take away the classical meaning of the cross. Not that it matters to me. My reasoning is that you dilute the sacred with the ordinary and therefore Christians are doing an injustice to their faith by slapping the cross on anything and everything for sale.

I guess if Christ did die on an Mp3 Player he could at least jam to some music..

I Believe in Talking Snakes T-Shirt

Ever get tired of hearing Christians say the Bible is right? We have an ongoing theme here at Freethunk that if the Bible is right then snakes can talk. We’ve joined efforts with 2Laugh.com to come up with a selection of parody T-shirts that pretty much say it all when it comes to conservative “literalist” Christianity. If you have the guts, wear this design to the next Creationist Conference in your hometown or PTA meeting over whether evolution should be taught in the local public school. We have two different versions–one for unbelievers and one for believers.

The first design for unbelievers, available in a variety of styles  besides the one shown below, says: “Biblical Literalists Believe in Talking Snakes.” Available for purchase here. Makes a nice gift for fellow freethinkers who are active atheists or those friends who like to tweak the noses of religious sensibilities. Certainly God-believers who think literalism is ridiculous may want to wear these shirts too.

The alternate design for conservative believers, again available in a variety of styles, says: “I Believe in Talking Snakes: Proud to be a Biblical Literalist.” This is a gag gift for your religious friends, hopefully they have a sense of humor. Or maybe they’re getting on your nerves with all of the creationist paraphernalia they’ve been dumping on you. You have to wonder with all of the Christian Tees out there, why there isn’t one like this? Shouldn’t creationists be proud that they believe in talking snakes? You can purchase this original T-Shirt at our storefront…

I will be highlighting more shirts and other Freethunk products through our shop section. If you would like to see all our shirt selections visit the Freethunk/2Laugh Storefront.