Vampires are Sexier Than Jesus Christ

…So suggests author Peggy Fletcher Stack with The Salt Lake Tribune in an article titled “Eat my flesh, drink my blood: Are vampires Jesus’ evil twins?”

It’s a nice fluff piece on vampirism and religion but as I neared the bottom of the article I noticed the emphasis shifted to Mormonism. The author recounts a story written in 1911 called “The Love Story of a Mormon” by a British writer named Winifred Graham in which a Mormon missionary comes to England and uses his superhuman powers to seduce a woman into leaving her fiance for him and his church. One of his powers is to raise people from the dead (like Jesus). In 1922 the  tale was made into a silent film retitled Trapped by Mormons. I searched for it on Amazon.com and holy shit, it was there. Added to my cart immediately as this kind of entertainment fits my twisted sensibilities. According to the reviews it contains a commentary by by James D’Arc of Brigham Young University and the original Winifred Graham novel as well as additional information on anti-Mormon propaganda circulating at the time.

A real find for me as I collect these sort of oddities.

Stack continued on to make a comparison between the allure of the Mormon male and Dracula and how early polygamy was like Dracula and his many loves. I decided to look up the author and sure enough she is Mormon (how can you not be if you work in Utah). An earlier article she wrote that is reprinted on Beliefnet.com laments the plight of the Mormon intellectual in relation to a publication she edited and wrote for called Sunstone Magazine. I have to admit hearing the phrase “Mormon intellectual” does throw me off a bit but then I have to come back around to the fact that incredibly smart people can believe in incredibly dumb things. In some ways I consider belief in Mormonism to be worse than belief in Christianity because the hoax is traceable with court documents on how Joseph Smith was nothing more than a con man.

I guess if Mormon males have a vampire allure then the Twilight Series all makes sense. How come all the Mormon males I seem to run into are dorks like me? Though this would explain why Glenn Beck has such an influence over his followers…”Look into my eyes and do not question whatever the hell I am saying now despite those things called facts.”

2 thoughts on “Vampires are Sexier Than Jesus Christ

  1. The court documents showing “Joseph was a con” do not exist. This is a common misconception of what the historical record actually shows.

    There are court records of Joseph being arraigned for a trial. But no guilty verdict was ever entered, and there is no court record of such. The documents show an EVIDENTIARY hearing that never went to trial and never produced a verdict. Joseph got off without ever being pronounced a “fraud” by the court.

    That said…

    I find it interesting how you automatically assume that the existence of a court record would definitively prove Joseph Smith was a fraud.

    That’s some pretty strong faith you have in the 1800s US court system there buddy.

    I’d almost call it borderline religious.

    What did the US Court system ever do to earn such complete unwavering and childlike faith from you?

  2. Well, hate to say it but there’s more reasons than court documents that lead to Joseph Smith being a fraud. I guess I’m going to have to make time to parody it, but a guy who tells you he was handed some golden plates by an angel and therefore you should follow his religion…yep, fraud. A guy who’s religious book says that American Indians came from Israelites without any archaeological evidence in these here United States of America…Fraud.

    See, the court may not have convicted Smith, but it’s a piece of the puzzle. I do have more faith in our court records than a man who transcribed the supposed word of God by looking into a hat at seer stones.

    When faced with a ridiculous religion that was created in the last 200 years it’s not hard to go back and see how it was started. If some guy came and told me an angel gave him golden plates and we should all follow his teachings–I’d tell him to get lost, he’s been drinking. Come on!

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